Putting weddings into perspective
Well as you probably know, we are fast approaching wedding season here in the US. At least here in Bible college central, USA. Everyone who went to the spring formal together and made it through their first summer apart are now about to tie the knot. I could be talking about attending weddings as a single. But I’m saving that post for another day.
No, today I’m discussing weddings and Pinterest. Because I can.
I don’t know if any of you are this extreme, but I’ve had my wedding planned out since I was a middle schooler. Back then, my budget was $300. My wedding makeup was going to include mascara, blush, and teal eyeshadow. We were going to eat berries and whipped cream out of the glass bowls from my mom’s kitchen.
Over time, I ended up on Pinterest, propelling me into thousands of wedding pins saved for years into a carefully cultivated board. Is that a little embarrassing to admit as a single pringle? Yes. Do I still save pins? At the risk of sounding “desperate”, also yes. I have not only a wedding planned out, but multiple in case I ever decide to change themes down the road. Can’t hurt to be prepared, right?
My best friends are practically the opposite of me when it comes to weddings. One of them has probably never pinned a wedding pin in her life. She probably has never once thought about chalkboard signs for reception directions. Both of these friends liked the idea of saying vows in front of their immediate families without anyone else there. It was a big mental shift for me to imagine popping into a courthouse one afternoon, signing some paperwork, and going about your day again as man and wife. And yet both of these women were far less concerned about having a big ceremony, and much more focused on having someone to do ordinary life with.
I’ve been noticing a lot of folks talking online about the “post-wedding blues”. How you spend months and years planning for “the biggest day of your life” and the one day it can be “your day”, and then it happens, it flies by… and you’re just back to going to work and taking out the trash and figuring out what’s for dinner.
So with all these thoughts rolling around in my head I just wanted to sit down and clarify some perspectives on marriage. For myself, mostly; but hopefully they’ll help you too. Single or not.
A wedding is a group/family gathering that witnesses and celebrates the couple making a lifelong covenant with God and each other.
The covenant, as we know, is what’s important; not the celebration.
A wedding is NOT
-a photo-op
-for views/likes/profit
-a self-centered party
-a fashion trend/show
-unimportant
-more valuable than the marriage itself
The truth of the matter is that after the wedding, life will return to its normal routine. The wedding (God willing) won’t happen again. The focus ceases to be on you. Just a normal progression into everyday life. Pinterest and Insta really have screwed up our perceptions to believe that the most valuable parts of life are these “life event” parties, like a baby shower, wedding, vow renewal, etc. They ARE important but there’s sure a lot of life in between. That’s OKAY. I WANT someone to choose me for every ordinary day when I’m not wearing a perfectly fitted wedding dress.
Plan a wedding that will best give you a leg up on marriage. It’ll look different for everyone, obviously. An elopement certainly might fit some couples’ needs the best. As you plan a wedding intentionally, it might involve the following:
-spending a reasonable sum on the wedding. This could help you start your new life without added debt, and put money towards a house or starting a family or traveling together.
-inviting people to the wedding who will be walking through married life with you.
-incorporating prayer and blessing into the ceremony more than rote traditions.
-asking for practical registry gifts and funds
-choosing traditions that say “we’re married”, not “we’re trying to entertain”
-keeping, as much as possible, an intentionally focused mindset throughout preparations and the festivities.
A wedding is a big deal. That’s okay. It celebrates a big covenant, a big decision, and that is a big deal. If you want to have a wedding: fabulous. Same here. But I gotta work to change my perspective on this. My wedding can’t be an emotional substitute for the work I put into my marriage.
Anyway. Thanks for reading:) If you have some thoughts on eloping, the wedding industry, thoughtful wedding traditions, becoming a nun and joining a convent, etc… please reach out!
Celeste